November '14

What is the slim probability of us not to frantic? 
Like the probability of seeing a star during a typhoon.

Here's another dystopian anecdote that is obsolete (sounds legit).

Seeing everyone growing tall -I've loved, I've laughed and cried. Back in those months behind, I almost dropped my final way to somewhere I ain't constantly sure. They say a broken bones bind stronger. Will I be stronger too once I tend to realize how enormous my problems tend to get? Those ordeals that I have once endured and felt utterly cast down about; the once that made me felt as though it was interminable -that gave me stupendous misery once upon a time, and let’s not forget an ocean of tears my soul had shed as I wallowed in misery, curling up like there’s no tomorrow -mean absolutely nothing at present. Its significance gradually fades away and then, I start to laugh at how was I so eloquent, to even think those stuffs were absurd enough. With all sincerity, I do believe that time, does heal all wounds. Being too squeamish and monstrous to my own self in variety ways, I don’t think I’d ever be prepared for the utmost degree of suffering. Anything is possible. And that is something I should not loose sight of. Currently, I am contemplating of how bless some people are to live life without giving a damn about anything.

Sometimes its is better with no reaction. I felt dull and flat and full of shattered visions. And I am horribly limited. Dude, does confusion and anxiety really conquer it all? Why does I feel like escaping seemed like a brilliant option? Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. Despite all that, never truly will I experience life if I can't even dust it off and keep questioning myself so many times though. Perhaps they are just misunderstanding of mind. As countless things come in and out, for thousand times I actually do realized those elements are invariably there. It is a state of being while maintaining my core identity and not be like a pollen in the wind. Gibran Khalil Gibran said to people to not die a half death because the half is a mere moment of inability but I am able for I am not half a being. I am a whole that exists to live a life. Nevertheless, am I acutely aware to such things through difficulties when all I can think is just how to be professional enough to risk myself? Oh c'mon, this haunted me frequently. 

True, I could not think of anything that were able to entertain and relish my everyday's life, two and three years ago (I remember exactly) because I was being afraid not to try instead of being afraid not to fall. Thus, I think the detachment was like my legs had been pulled by an anchor which I could not move even a step forward. And yes, I guess and I wonder as if I ain't provide myself the right which I absolutely deserve -as always I use the technique of imposition. As tears subside, I find it all so amusing. Laudably, I've done a large amount of experiences this year and that is a huge relief I may not be able to express it. I had chose myself to sustain the mono-rhyme to comply the needs and bring hope of other people into mine. I had threw myself into hurricanes and blizzards. I had fell and broke into pieces. Also, I had met and recognized many great people all around the world -truly motivating and inspiring me. But I can stand still, today. I ever thought that this submission of being a small people to a high-standard people in breaking free from life's shackles is not a sociological category of creedal belief that determines how we are to be classified as two different states of human status. The differences and the entire things we've been through attend only to be absent, probably soon. What can I do?

Physically, the movement of life is somewhat mesmerizing and captivating if we once stop and stare at each little things -take a deep breath and listen to the old brag of your heart. I am. I am. I am. To those fucking nuisances, you all didn’t matter.  And I grasped for my conclusive breath of my lifetime at that very moment and I whispered to myself,  At least it is over, so far

HfshAfndi X